How to Not Get the Girl

July 2022

Aside: Since moving to Washington DC in March I have learned possibly half a lifetime of information about relationships & people I just never knew. A city is a good accelerant to you learning how people work.

We can define a space of positive behavior more effectively via negation.

The following encapsulates (incompletely) how to not attract a girl you are actually interested in & generally fail with the opposite gender romantically:

  • Have low self-esteem, see her as a figure above you in value (rather than your equal).

  • Don’t realize your own purpose and mission in life. Fixate on her and make her the challenge to overcome. Make her your mission.

  • Be unoccupied. Do not have fun things going on in your life. Do not cultivate your own interests and passions that fulfill you.

  • Have no-to-low standards. Do not consider exactly what you are looking for in a woman. Let her be the unidirectional arbiter of the potential match. Do not feel & realize your value.

  • Be passive. Do not risk rejection or make bold, calibrated, moves. Fear your feelings and be externally unaligned with them.

  • Have few friends, socially disengage from the people close to you. Close off as a person.

  • Be a heavy person to be around. Always be serious. Continually follow negative conversational threads. Don’t find humor in things.

  • Be judgmental. Judge her for her past despite her intact morals and character. Allow it to surface insecurity within you.

  • Do not engage her feelings & emotions. Make your predominant mode of communication with her be flat and logical banter.

  • Tiptoe over your feelings. See them as a danger and a hazard. Apologize if a girl does not reciprocate, you must have misstepped.

  • Be intimidated by her beauty. Let it impede you from having normal interactions with her. Idolize her and treat her as special.

  • Have your only attraction filter be her physical attractiveness. If she is beautiful, she immediately wins your heart and affection.

  • See her as your only option. Believe there are no other girls out there that you would be as, or even more, attracted to physically & emotionally.

  • Stop increasing your value. Come to a place of comfort and stop pushing the boundaries in all areas of your life.

  • See every girl you are remotely physically attracted to as a romantic option. Do not have friends who are girls. Do not realize how flexible and complex interpersonal relations can be.

  • Be uncentered, be sudden in your moves. Be nervous, don't be smooth.

  • Ignore the ways she subtly communicates with you. Be dense to what her body language, intonation, her words, are really saying.

  • Expect her to be into you as quickly as you became interested in her. Do not realize that girls “warm up” to a guy, whereas a male’s attraction functions more like a light switch. Skip building connection, comfort, and trust.

  • Project your attraction to her onto your perception of her attraction to you. Do not realize attraction is a two-way street. Be blind to where she is at in her opinion of you. If you are attracted to her this much she must feel something for you.

  • If she is not romantically interested in your type, see it as a personal devaluation. Let it be a hit to your self-esteem. Do not realize people have different flavors and interests.

  • Constantly agree with her, even if you really disagree. Do not stand steadfastly behind how you really believe. Adapt your likings and interests to her's. Be a pushover.

  • Allow your health to slip. Eat whatever you want and avoid going to the gym.

  • Do not take responsibility for your emotions and reactions. Push them onto her and other people and have them solve your own internal emotional states.

  • Be a bad listener. When talking to her zone out and glaze over. Be unengaged in conversation and don't give her your full presence.

  • Be a boring conversant. Just say “interesting” or “that’s cool” in response to what she says. Do not try to bring energy and interest to the conversation.

  • Do not realize that being compelling in other areas of life does not directly translate to being sexually compelling (especially against different people's criteria). Fail to realize that being compelling in that way is more of a feeling (and energy you emit) than any logical deduction she can have in her mind.

  • Don’t take the initiative & talk to her. Instead of pursuing conversation, getting to know her, & building a bond, expect her to initiate things with you.

Everything can be succinctly summarized with:

Be conversative, open, & keep talking, be connected to how you feel & remain true to it, be confident (rooted in high self-esteem), have purpose & direction, & offer your highest self wholly, without care for non-reciprocation.

Which further reduces to:

Be cool & normal.